Life

Why is life so hard? I feel like I am pulled in so many directions right now and can't figure out the right path. I am stuck. Really struggling trying to figure out which path is going to be the best. The hardest part is I know what is the best but taking that step is so hard...How do you know what to do and how do you do it? I don't want to have regrets in my life and in my choices but not sure which decision I would not regret.

What to do...what to do...what to do...

Bracken

So cute. One of the pics from yesterday's shoot.

B is rollin!

B rolled over for the first time! To see the video and read what happened, see his blog babywootton.blogspot.com. I am too lazy to type it all twice. : )

Summer Time!

I love summer! I'm so glad it's here but I dont feel like I do much of anything these days, but I did have a fairly busy week. Tuesday we went to lunch with Jer who found a job! YAY. Wednesday we went and had lunch with Heidi and Mia and that was lots of fun! Thursday Savannah and I went and had some girl time. We went shopping and I got my hair cut (which I think I love, but I need to practice with it a bit) then Yesterday I took Savannah and Nathan to Cherry Hill with Kelly and the girls and that was so much fun! Today I am spending time at home with B since I didn't see him a whole lot the last two days and missed him like crazy!

It is so nice to be able to go out and do things when I'm not working! One of the great perks of teaching!

I have tons more pics of B so I'm going to post another slide show.

Memorial Day

For Memorial Day, we went to Moab. It's the first time I have ever been there and it was fun. The weather was rainy but it kept it nice and cool. We went on a couple hikes and hung out around camp. B was really good on the drive (he slept all the way home - phew - and wasn't way too fusy on the way there). But Saturday he was so fussy all day. It was really hard and I was ornery due to lack of sleep. But overall we had a great time! Here are some pics.

Catching Up

So I haven't posted much lately. REally there isn't much going on. Still home from work for two more weeks so I haven't done much but take care of B. He is getting so big. Already 12 pounds 4 ounces. He will be 8 weeks tomorrow!! Its going by so fast. He is still colicy and really fussy. I have a hard time taking him out because I hate the looks people give me when he cries...like its my fault? Yesterday in Shopko a lady had the nerve to ask, "whos the mom?" She said it rude when someone else was holding B when he was screaming. I felt like saying, "F!!! Off" but I smiled and said, "I am." But hopefully it wont last too much longer and he will grow out of it. He is sleeping a little better during the day and that helps and gives me a break.

Jer is working like crazy and not getting anything special for it, but a pay check and gets to keep his job. If they dont work their boss says they get fired. But he is gone about 14 hours a day and it really sucks that we never see him and when he does get home he showers eats and goes to bed.

Nothing else new. Just debating on how I feel about going back to work. Dont want to leave him and dont want to work, but at the same time I think it will be nice to get away a little and get away from the crying and constant soothing. It wears me out : )

Hope everyone is doing well and I hope all the moms have a great Mother's Day!!!

Doctor Appointment

Need to vent.

So I took B to the doctor today because he has had screaming episodes the last two evenings. They lasted about 6 hours each night, but it was scream, nap, scream, nap, scream, nap, etc. Naps were about 20 minutes each and screaming 30 or more minutes. I about lost my sanity and it's so hard to see him cry and not be able to sooth him. Its the worst feeling in the world! Plus Jer hasn't been getting home until 9 so I am alone all day and all night with B. I love him but it is draining not being able to put him down a whole lot and not getting naps in because he usually doesn't sleep long enough for me to fall asleep and get a good nap. I end up waking up more tired. Anyway...

He is 11 lbs 1 oz. That is the 75th percentile. Big Boy!

She thinks he is colicy which is something he will just have to grow out of and the screaming fits are something we will just have to deal with while they are happening. She is having me put him on formula for a week to see if that helps because there may be something in my milk upsetting his belly. I am not happy about this and it makes me feel like a bad mom. I feel like I can't provide for him now. PLus I have to pump after each feeding to keep my supply up so it's just going to take twice as long and be harder now. I'm really upset about this.

She also told me to put him down and let him cry if I can't sooth him and I get frustrated. I know her reasonings behind this, but I dont think I can do that. I can't sit in the other room and listen to him scream knowing I'm not even trying to help calm him. I would just get more frustrated listening to that from the other room.

Arg.

This sucks.

I feel like shit.

Poor Bracken. Hopefully he grows out of it sooner rather than later. And hopefully these fits are only a few times a week and not a nightly episode because it is so draining on both of us. I just sit and cry with him for most the time. What a crappy day. I hope it helps him being on formula because I am really opposed to doing it. If it doesn't help change his behavior then it will be a waste and I will be even more upset.

BaBy BrAcKeN

Hello to all! For everyone who keeps asking...things are going well! It is so freaking hard being a mom and I am completely overwhelmed most of the time, but I also love it. Everyone says it is hard, but you don't really understand how hard until it happens to you! And he is pretty fussy some days and just doesn't sleep well at nights, so that is really hard on me. I love seeing him grow (he is so big already) and all the little developments and changes in him. At his two week appointment he had grown almost a pound putting him at 8 lbs 11 ounces and 21 inches, which means he grew about 3 inches! That is crazy and I can tell he is even bigger since then. We take tons of pictures, so I am adding another slide show. I am slightly obsessive with taking pictures, I know, but he is so cute that I can't help it.

Bracken Pictures

Bracken Shane Wootton

Bracken Shane Wootton

March 15th, 2009

7 lbs 13 ounces

18 inches long

Welcome to our family, little one!!

So, I went into labor on Saturday night at 230. After an hour of contractions that weren't consistent but hurt like hell and were between 2-5 minutes apart I woke up Jer. We stayed home for a bit then went to the hospital at 530. They took me in and checked me. I was very thin but only dialated to a 1. They gave me my epidural very quickly, probably because I was screaming during the contractions! I didn't know it could hurt so bad! Then at 730 my doc came in and broke my water and started me on Pitocin. I dilated very quickly after that, but then I got really sick. I was shaking really bad and had a fever, was sweating, was nauseated, and so out of it. The babie's heart rate dropped so they stopped the pitocin and got me back under control. My blood pressure had dropped extremely low so they had to keep putting me on oxygen, but after that one time, it wasn't too low. Once we were feeling better they put the pitocin back on.

After another couple hours of being miserable and so sick I was finally dilated to a 10. So we started pushing and after 15 minutes, they made me stop while we waited another 15 minutes for my doc to get there and get dressed. After he was there I pushed for less than 5 minutes, probably only about 5 times and Bracken had arrived! I was in the pushing stage for only 35 minutes and I wasn't pushing for half of it, so that was better than I had hoped for!

Total, I was in labor for 12 hours and 15 minutes. It wasn't too bad considering what came out of me! I am doing well now, just very sore. Bracken is so adorable and loves to be held. He won't let us put him down - not even at night. So, we don't really sleep. This is going to be a problem.

Here are a bunch of pictures. I have a ton more, but I will do a slide show later to add them.

Jer is such a good daddy and has been helping out so much. He is really good and comforting him and it is so cute to see! Thanks hunny for all you do!

Thanks for everyone's support!! Love you all!

39 weeks and counting

So I had my doctor appointment yesterday and....still nothing. Talk about feeling so dissapointed! I know you don't have to dilate to go into labor and I do want him to be ready, but it's really hard for me to want something so bad and know I have no control over it. I also feel like my body isn't doing what it's suppose to be doing. What if it means I won't dilate and have to have a c-section? I would be devastated. I want to have a vaginal birth and that would really bother me. It really makes me feel like I'm not capable of having a baby. I know it doesn't mean that but it scares me and makes me feel like shit.

On top of making me more worried about birth, I am so tired of restless legs at night, tired of 3-5 bathroom trips each night (I will get up and feed, but so annoying to get up to pee!), I can't get comfortable at night, I wake up with sore sore sore hips, I am so done with the clothes I have, I throw up in my mouth every day/night! Heartburn sucks and I get sick half the time when I eat. I also broke out in zits about two weeks ago and they won't go away. Luckily not on my face, but all aound my butt and front area and in my arm pits and some on my legs. It is so yucky. I feel fat everywhere and am retaining water. And can I say so emotional?

I know I'm making a baby and it's ok to have all these side effects and they aren't that bad and I am so thankful that nothing has been worse and the baby seems to be happy and healthy. I am so thankful so I feel bad complaining, but I am so DONE being pregnant! I cried the whole way home from my doctor appointment yesterday, but it helped me feel better!

My due date at the doctors office is tomorrow, the 15th, but at the hospital they have it as Thursday, the 19th. They won't change it because it isn't ten days different. So I still think I have a chance to go into labor because he really should be about ready.

Sorry for the whinny post...

Keep your fingers crossed for us and that I can have this baby safely! Our next appointment is next wednesday and I will be induced the next Wednesday night/Thursday morning (either way, its less than two weeks). They will start thinning my cervix Wed night, but I probably wont go into labor until Thursday morning.

Silly Story

So yesterday, I was in the office at work and a mom with her little boy walked in and the boy was probably 5.

He looked at me and said, "Do you have a ball?" (referring to my belly).
I said, "Does it look like I have a ball (rubbing my belly)?"
Boy, "yeah, it does."
"Well it is actually a baby."
"Let me see."
"Well he is in my belly, so you can't see."
"I think you have a ball for me (with a smile on his face)."
"I wish I had a ball for you, but it is a baby."
He just looked at me, unsure.
I was walking out of the office and had to walk by him and he bent over and turned his head sideways trying to look up my shirt to see if he could see the "ball." It was the funniest thing! His mom just stared at me and another lady in the office was cracking up. I was trying not to laugh at him, until I left, then I got a good laugh out of it.

38 Weeks and counting...

So I had a doctor appointment today. I have gained 32 pounds so far and two this week. I am measuring at 39 1/2 weeks, but not dialated at all. He said I feel thin, but I don't think he can tell me a percentage because I'm not dialated so he can't actually feel the thinkness. I really wish I was dialating, but nothing I can do about that. He said he is very surprised that I haven't dialated because people with this body type usually are dialated by now. Maybe I'm just a really good oven.

We set up a day to induce me - March 26th. I would go in the night of the 25th and they give me a pill or something to get me started and I sleep there. Then in the morning of the 26th they will give me pitocin or break my water if I need it, if the pill didn't do enough. So he will be here in 20 days, almost definitely. That is so far away though! I am so ready to start this journey and the closer I get, the more anxious I get and just want it to be here. I have been very patient this whole pregnancy, but the last week or so I have really wanted to get the show on the road! I could still go into labor at any time though, so keep your fingers crossed for me!

More Belly Videos

I have been trying to get a video when he is really active, but I am struggling to have the camera in my hand when it actually happens. Here are a couple more videos but they just don't do it justice! I can't even explain how crazy and cool and awkward it feels! I love it - well until he kicks my ribs or bladder. I wish I could get a better video, but these are still fun!

Last Shower

So I had my last baby shower on Sunday. There turned out to be lots of people there and I got a ton of stuff. I was surprised at how many people came to support our new family because I'm not very close to many of them! What a sweet family. I am definitely ready for this baby now! I've got everything put away and put together and took back a few things I didn't need. Now we just need a baby! Here are some pictures from my last shower! We had such a great time and it was so nice to see everyone. Jeramie's family is so supportive and great!

I got two blankets like this that are homemade and so adorable!


Jer's parents and sisters got us this huge gift bag full of stuff! They spoiled us! And gave us about 250 diapers! So helpful!










We played Pictionary with baby words. No one wanted to get up and draw but everyone had fun - whether they admit it or not! LOL. It was fun to see the pictures they were drawing and trying to figure out what it was.


Jer's mom - Thanks for throwing my shower for me! And thanks to Megan - I don't know how I didn't get a picture her! Love you both!






I am working on parent conferences this week at work and I wanted to get through them for sure before he came, but I'll be done tomorrow, so that's not a problem. Now I am ready for him to come! I am 37 weeks, so considered full term and safe for the baby to come. My feet are swelling now since I'm back at work and on my feet all day. I get sock indents and my feet get red and fat. It's not that bad, but noticeable. My next doctor appointment is tomorrow. I will get checked again and get results back for the strep B test. Last week I wasn't dialated or effaced at all, so I am hoping that I am tomorrow. It seems like the closer it gets the more I am just ready to have him here! He moves so much and it is so weird because it moves my entire belly and he is so big that it looks funny. I love it, but it is uncomfortable after a few minutes and he pushes on my bladder and it feels like someone is stabbing me. Ouch. I'll update everyone tomorrow on my doctor appointment.

Another Shower

So last week (I know, I am behind) Peruvian Park, the school I worked at the last four years, threw me a shower. I thought that was the nicest thing ever, seems how I don't even work there any more and almost all the teachers were there and brought gifts! I think that is so so so sweet of them! I love my new school and especially how close it is, but I really miss all the people over at Peruvian! I love you guys!! Thanks for the shower!! And I got the absolute cutest Hurley jacket and jeans I have ever seen but there isn't a picture of them! I will definitely post a picture of him wearing them when he grows into them though. So So cute! Here are a few pics of all the sweet people over there!