Doctor Appointment

Need to vent.

So I took B to the doctor today because he has had screaming episodes the last two evenings. They lasted about 6 hours each night, but it was scream, nap, scream, nap, scream, nap, etc. Naps were about 20 minutes each and screaming 30 or more minutes. I about lost my sanity and it's so hard to see him cry and not be able to sooth him. Its the worst feeling in the world! Plus Jer hasn't been getting home until 9 so I am alone all day and all night with B. I love him but it is draining not being able to put him down a whole lot and not getting naps in because he usually doesn't sleep long enough for me to fall asleep and get a good nap. I end up waking up more tired. Anyway...

He is 11 lbs 1 oz. That is the 75th percentile. Big Boy!

She thinks he is colicy which is something he will just have to grow out of and the screaming fits are something we will just have to deal with while they are happening. She is having me put him on formula for a week to see if that helps because there may be something in my milk upsetting his belly. I am not happy about this and it makes me feel like a bad mom. I feel like I can't provide for him now. PLus I have to pump after each feeding to keep my supply up so it's just going to take twice as long and be harder now. I'm really upset about this.

She also told me to put him down and let him cry if I can't sooth him and I get frustrated. I know her reasonings behind this, but I dont think I can do that. I can't sit in the other room and listen to him scream knowing I'm not even trying to help calm him. I would just get more frustrated listening to that from the other room.

Arg.

This sucks.

I feel like shit.

Poor Bracken. Hopefully he grows out of it sooner rather than later. And hopefully these fits are only a few times a week and not a nightly episode because it is so draining on both of us. I just sit and cry with him for most the time. What a crappy day. I hope it helps him being on formula because I am really opposed to doing it. If it doesn't help change his behavior then it will be a waste and I will be even more upset.

BaBy BrAcKeN

Hello to all! For everyone who keeps asking...things are going well! It is so freaking hard being a mom and I am completely overwhelmed most of the time, but I also love it. Everyone says it is hard, but you don't really understand how hard until it happens to you! And he is pretty fussy some days and just doesn't sleep well at nights, so that is really hard on me. I love seeing him grow (he is so big already) and all the little developments and changes in him. At his two week appointment he had grown almost a pound putting him at 8 lbs 11 ounces and 21 inches, which means he grew about 3 inches! That is crazy and I can tell he is even bigger since then. We take tons of pictures, so I am adding another slide show. I am slightly obsessive with taking pictures, I know, but he is so cute that I can't help it.